Felt compelled to write a brief reflection and can only assume it’s because somebody needs to hear it. God often works that way in my life—little nudges and calls to be vulnerable/authentic to help somebody else on their journey. Here’s the thing, my college sweetheart and I broke up in 2008 and Neill came into my life in 2019. That’s 11 (sometimes long!) years spent single, dating, in relationships, getting over break-ups, etc.
Some of you may have no idea about any of this part of my journey because I tend to be a bit private about my personal life. All in all, there were times when dating was exhausting. Other times it was fun. There were also times when I contemplated just settling down, even when my gut told me that it wasn’t right. There were times when people said I was “too picky” or “you know you’re getting older…” And plenty of hurtful comments.
Some actual helpful advice came from reading It’s Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You’re Single by Sara Eckel. She mused, “What if the only reason you’re alone is you just haven’t met your partner yet?” And “Here’s a thought: Maybe you’ve remained single well into adulthood because . . . you know what you’re doing. Because there is something right with you. The culture may portray older singles as losers and narcissists, but the truth is the person who ends the mediocre relationship before marriage—or who never starts it in the first place—is a true pillar of the institution.”
When Neill asked me to marry him (just a week ago, so writing these thoughts while they are fresh on my mind!), I was so unbelievably happy and thankful for lots of reasons. But one of the main reasons is that I waited until it finally felt right (even though I’m 36 and Neill is 46, geez we’re old! ) I was thankful that I spent time on my own because I just hadn’t met my partner yet, and I knew it. Because it ends up that maybe, just maybe I knew what I was doing all along. And maybe you do too? Love to all.
Photo by Rev. Lauren Lorincz.